Ubud - Bali - Zaddyabroad

Bali, the land of the gods, is an intoxicating blend of verdant rice paddies, ancient temples, and a thriving arts scene. Yet, despite its serene reputation, my experiences in Ubud, its spiritual heartbeat have been a mixture of tranquillity and chaos, with the town’s allure sometimes overshadowed by its overwhelming popularity.

Bali is a bit of an anomaly. While it forms part of Indonesia, the largest Muslim country in the world by population, it is devoutly Hindu in religion. However, their form of Hinduism is slightly different from that of India, in that they do not have the same reverence for the cow. You’ll find beef on almost every menu. Similarly, even though they are part of a Muslim country, you can find pork and alcohol everywhere!

I first visited Bali in the autumn of 2017 with no idea what to expect, and the trip turned out to be incredible for two reasons: the place was amazing, and my time there was incredibly too short. So, when I decided to return to Southeast Asia in the spring of 2024, I added Bali to my list. I had unfinished business!

On my first trip, I met Adnyana Ketut, a taxi driver recommended by my friend Seb who had used him a few months earlier. In 2017, he drove me everywhere I wanted to go and even took me to places I didn’t know existed. No matter the distance, no matter how long he needed to wait, he did it with a smile on his face and all for £20 per day!

After leaving Bali, he would randomly send me messages of best wishes every Christmas or comment on my WhatsApp status posts. So, when I decided to return to Bali, I had no hesitation in contacting him again!

After booking my flight to Bali from Bangkok, I found out that the government of Bali had implemented a new tourist visa which costs $35, as well as a tourist tax of $10. Both could be paid upon landing, or done online beforehand.

This wasn’t clear to me. I thought I had applied and paid for both online, so upon landing, I strolled past the long queues of people heading towards the automatic gates, thinking, “Ha, look at the noobs to travelling.” But when I got to the gate, my QR code didn’t work. The guard advised me that I only had the tourist tax; I didn’t pay for the visa!

Embarrassed, I trudged to the visa counters and joined the queue to pay for the visa. It took an hour for me to clear the line, but thankfully, Ketut was waiting outside to drive me to my hotel in Ubud.

If there’s one thing that will test your patience in Bali, it’s the traffic. The narrow streets, designed for a time when Bali was a hidden gem rather than a global hotspot, are now choked with an unending stream of scooters, cars, and buses. The journey from Denpasar Airport, which should be a scenic drive through lush landscapes, turned into a stop-start ordeal that feels more like a test of endurance than a prelude to paradise. The distance from the airport to Ubud is less than 40 km, yet it took over two hours to make the journey.

Despite the incredibly long journey, upon arrival at my hotel (Akamara Dijiwa Ubud), I was greeted by the nicest reception team I had met in a long while. Given the hotel troubles I had on the other legs of this trip (Singapore, Thailand, and Laos before), it was a welcomed change. Could this have been a sign of things to come? Was my hotel luck changing? Nope!

I chose the hotel based on its location, rating and price. I was lucky enough to get a $40% discount on my stay and only paid £90 per night! It was a fantastic hotel: a nice big comfy bed, lush gardens, a ginormous bathroom, and all the amenities. It was also a couple’s hotel, and they gave me an adjoining room, which meant the soundproofing was minimal. This infuriated me when I was awoken by the couple next door, getting it on at 5 a.m. on my first night. Thankfully, they checked out the next day.

After breakfast, I decided to take the hotel shuttle to the city centre to walk around a little. On my previous trip, I didn’t spend much time in the city. Back then, I spent my days chasing different waterfalls all over the island. This time I wanted to see what Ubud centre had to offer.

After being dropped off, I decided to go for a walk. What better way to see the place than to galivant, right? I walked and walked, kept looking at the map, and walked from one place to the next until I couldn’t deal with the heat anymore. What I didn’t realise was that I walked 12 km in three hours and had to take a taxi back to the centre.

It was amazing, though. There were specific districts where woodworkers did their thing, another for metal sculptors, while the weavers congregated in one area. Ubud is an interior decorator’s dream playground. There are so many interesting pieces there, and they will ship them to you wherever you are in the world!

Ubud’s spiritual side is deeply ingrained in its daily life. The town is dotted with temples, each an enclave of stone carvings, incense, and prayer. Pura Taman Saraswati, with its stunning lotus pond, is a particular favourite, offering a peaceful retreat from the bustling streets.

I took a trip to Tirta Empul, also known as ‘The Water Temple’. This was my second visit; it was crowded the first time around, and I didn’t have the patience to join the long queues. But this time, I did and duly paid the 15,000 IDR (£0.72) entrance fee. I am not religious, but it was an experience walking around the temples, and watching different groups partaking in the purification ceremony.

I couldn’t help but giggle at what I thought was a group of “Karens” wrapped in their green sarongs, offering prayers and gifts to the gods, before returning to their homelands, armed with newfound spirituality and requesting to speak to the manager.

Later that evening, I went out for what I thought would have been a quiet evening of eating, drinking, and people-watching from the side of the street. Instead, I sat two tables away from another solo traveller, DJ Tara, who struck up a conversation while we both ate.

I can never understand why people feel comfortable approaching or randomly speaking to me. It’s not as if I give off a warm, fuzzy vibe.

I’m usually in my own world, with my earphones plugged in and my permanent “resting Sym face” affixed. But somehow, she felt comfortable enough to start a conversation. We spoke about everything: our trips to Asia, where each of us was heading next, and what we planned on doing in Bali. She spoke fondly of her son, who had recently moved to Bangkok from England, as well as her spiritual journey while in Bali.

It helped that she kept buying me drinks, but honestly, it was quite an enjoyable evening. After 6 Nigrini’s too many, I bid Tara farewell, called a moped taxi and headed to my hotel. I had a pretty early start to get to the Gateway to Heaven (Lempuyang Temple) the next morning.

Lempuyang Temple sits on top of a mountain, with its main gate pointing directly across to one of the many volcanoes in Bali. We’ve all seen the Instagram photos of people jumping in the air posing from what looks like an amazing spot next to a lake.

The driver picked me up at 6 a.m. as it was a three-hour drive to the temple. When we arrived at 9:30, I purchased the ticket for 50,000 IDR (£2.50) I was the 126th person to purchase a ticket that day, and by the time I made it up to the temple, only 80 people had gone in to take their pictures.

Here I met two American ladies who turned out to be friendly, but one wasn’t so hospitable at the beginning when I mistook her for one of the vendors selling drinks. It was an easy mistake to make.

She looked of South Asian/Pacific Island descent and she sat directly next to the fridge with the drinks.

When I asked how much a bottle of water cost, she looked at me with a smile and said, “You think I work here? Oh no, baby, bless your heart” I was like, “I know what that means and oh hell no, you didn’t just tell me to F’ off!” That led to giggles, and we chit-chatted for a bit while we waited to take our pictures.

I hate to break it to you, but as incredible as the picture looks, it’s just an optical illusion, done with a mirror that reflects the sky so your picture looks incredible. This is something the ‘influencers’ don’t mention on their Instagram posts, but I will here so that you’re not too disappointed if you do visit.

Weirdly, it’s taken me a while to mention Balinese food, which is amazing. Nasi goring (Fried Rice), Babi Guling (BBQ Pork) or beef skewers, are otherworldly foods. The fresh vegetables and salads they serve are full of flavour, and the best part is that food is relatively cheap in Bali! You can eat well for £10-£15 per meal, up your budget a bit and eat like a king! But if you’re on a tight budget, you can survive on £5 per day, not something I would recommend, but I’m a tad bit snooty. Balinese food now sits in 4^th place among my favourite Asian foods, coming in behind Japanese (1^st), Vietnamese (2^nd) and Thai (3^rd) in my ranking! With Chinese 5th and Laos, Singaporean and Cambodian battling it out for 6th, 7th and 8th respectively, with Malaysian coming in dead last!

Day five was spent back in Ubud centre at the Sacred Monkey Forest, where the morning humidity beat the shit out of me and had me sweating like a Catholic priest at a preschool… I said what I said!

While sat having a drink and trying to cool off, this Arabic couple walked by me and the guy was dressed in a bomber jacket.

Ironic I know and weird at the same time.

It was 36 degrees Celsius and 5 million % humidity in the jungle, and he’s wearing that?

Like what type of weight loss program is he on and how can I sign up?

The mid-morning heat gave way to a sudden tropical downpour, which cooled the place down and made me wonder whether that guy in the bomber jacket was still happy he wore it or weighed down from the gallons of water it must have absorbed.

Later that afternoon, I went to Cretya, a spot in the hills that is a mix of rice fields, swimming pools, amazing restaurants, lush gardens and activities like writing a bike suspended in the air, giant swings and ziplining. The entry fee was 50,000 IDR (£2.50) which gives you access to the restaurant and the ability to walk around the rice paddy and gardens. You can also rent a bed by the pool, but I avoided doing that, as it felt a little pretentious doing it alone. Instead, I stuffed myself in the restaurant.

I spent a day chasing waterfalls, particularly my favourite, Kanto Lampo Waterfall. Seven years ago, this was an obscure spot off the beaten path with little to no development, requiring a walk down a dirt path to reach the waterfall. This time there was a paved road, concrete steps, and throngs of guides and influencers taking up the best spots for their never-ending pics.

I found a spot just off the main waterfall and paid one of the locals 50,000 IDR (about £2.50) to take a couple of pictures of me. I saw what he did for one of those girls and I wanted to get something as good for myself. Yes, I am shameless, but the pics were great!

7 years ago when I visited this place, one of the locals took the pictures for me and then decided that he would help himself to grabbing my crotch while I was pulling my shirt over my head to leave. Why, oh why does this random shit always happen to me?

On the way back to the hotel, I stopped off at a Luwak Coffee farm as a close friend of mine asked me to pick some up for him.

Luwak Coffee, if you don’t know, is a type of coffee that consists of partially digested coffee beans, which have been eaten and pooped out by the Asian palm civet (a cat-like animal). The beans ferment as they pass through the cat’s intestines, and after being defecated with other faecal matter, they are collected, separated from the poop, cleaned, roasted, and sold for stupid money. A 500g bag cost £42! Like who pays that much money for shit, literally shit, much less coffee? I’m looking at you, Alexis…

I did a coffee tasting since I was there and tried all of them, except the cat shit coffee. I’m but you can’t pay me enough to drink that ‘shit’ and I certainly won’t pay to drink shit!

My last day was spent stuck in traffic trying to get to and from Kuta and to the beach in Canggu, not an enjoyable experience. It took over three hours to get from Ubud to Kuta and a near-death experience to get to Canguu thereafter.

The traffic was beyond crazy, it was hard walking on the sidewalks as the mopeds were using the sidewalk as their motorway.

It was so damn hot that I took a moped taxi to get from one town to the next and he tried to take the shortcut.

Ubud is a town of contrasts. It’s a place where the old and new collide, where serene temples sit alongside bustling markets, and where the tranquillity of rice fields can be overshadowed by the chaos of traffic.

Yet, it’s these very contrasts that make Ubud such a fascinating destination. Despite the challenges, the town’s charm, the warmth of its people, and the richness of its culture make it a place worth visiting.

But after two trips, I’m all Ubud’d out!

My time in Bali had come to an end and while checking out, the receptionist asked if there was a problem that caused me to check out early.

I was like, “No, I’m not checking out early, I’m leaving today as planned.” What I hadn’t accounted for was that I booked the hotel three months prior for eight days, but I changed plans to include a stop in Malaysia and hadn’t updated the hotel booking to reflect 7 days.

I effectively wasted £90 for a night in the hotel I wouldn’t be using. As I headed to the airport, I kept thinking that I had the worst luck with hotels on this trip.

I had problems at all four legs thus far and hoped my trip to Malaysia, leg 5 would finally break the curse.