My trip to Asia coincided with that of my good friend Pasha’s, who planned on visiting Thailand with his family. I decided to hang out with them for a few days, since the last time I’d seen them was in January 2023 in Serbia.

Thailand is a country that I have visited many times. I’ve visited Phuket, Bangkok, Khao Chang, Trat, and Khao Phi Phi. But it had been 10 years since my last trip.

The destination was Pattaya, a place I’ve heard a lot about but never had an inkling to visit. Pasha flew directly to Pattaya (one of the few places he can visit at the moment) from Russia, while I flew from Singapore to Bangkok and then took a 1.5-hour taxi ride to Pattaya. I could have flown into Pattaya via Phuket but chose not to because this way was actually quicker and cheaper!

We must have spent 2 weeks trying to decide on the hotel until we finally found one that we all liked. They were going to be there for 10 days, and me for 5. But due to international sanctions placed on Russian banks (Thanks to the war with Ukraine) and other businesses, Pasha was unable to pay for his hotel with his card. We agreed that I would make both bookings and they would pay at the hotel.

Everything was going to plan, or so we thought…

While sat in the taxi, he calls and says, ‘They don’t have a room for me.’ I’m like, ‘What do you mean, the rooms are booked, yours is under your name.’ He continues, ‘They cancelled the room.’ I was 10 minutes away and instructed him to wait until I got there.

I turn up and start speaking to the receptionist, and they did indeed cancel the booking for Pasha, without sending me a notification or anything. My booking was still there but his wasn’t.

The hotel cancelled the room because it was booked under his name, using my card, so they thought that it was a fraudulent booking. Sadly, they didn’t have a room for more than 2 consecutive days of their trip, which meant that Pasha, his wife and daughter had to change rooms 3 times in the 5 days we were in the hotel and needed to find a new hotel for the remaining 5 days.

After all the hotel drama, we went out for food, a drink, and a catch-up. Instead, it turned into me getting blamed for the hotel cock-up every 5 minutes.

My first impression of Pattaya was one of ‘MEH‘; it looked drab, was ridiculously hot, with busy streets filled with fat, old white men who preyed on any girls, boys, or ladyboys they could get their hands on.

The last time I was in Thailand, dealers would offer me weed by whispering in my ear at bars. Back then it was illegal, punishable by serious jail time or even death. But this time was different; they legalized marijuana a few years ago, and now it was everywhere, and I mean everywhere! This was like Amsterdam and Montreal had babies, and those babies were dispensaries, restaurants, and even mobile vans, offering multiple varieties of weed by the gram. Rolled, pre-rolled, they had it all.

We looked at each other and thought, this isn’t exactly what we wanted, not the chilled beach vibe I expected, but we’re here for almost a week, so we may as well make the most of it. Plus, I was primarily there to see my friends, which was the most important thing.

The next few days were frustrating, but we tried to make the most of it. The beaches of Pattaya and the surrounding islands were not the picturesque, turquoise waters you’re accustomed to seeing when you think of Thailand.

They were crowded, with murky waters and packed with hundreds of vendors all trying to sell you the same stuff. I mean how many cock-shaped bottle openers do you really need in your life, right?

I would never ride on the back of a moped in Spain, but here I am, sitting on the rear of a bike, with someone who probably doesn’t have a licence and no helmet, smiling like an idiot.

When the time came to leave, we couldn’t find a taxi and ended up haggling with a tuk-tuk driver to get us back to the hotel, which took close to 3 hours due to the traffic.

With 4 days over in Pattaya, it was my last night and I can say that the best part was getting our nightly massages. We were having at least one per day; back, full body, foot, shoulders, you can’t beat an £8, one-hour massage!

On day 5, we used BOLT to hire a taxi to go to Bangkok. He picked us up in a car so low that we were unable to go over the speed bumps. He eventually transferred us into a regular taxi who took us to our hotel in Bangkok.

Bangkok is a massive, sprawling metropolis with millions of people and even more cars. Our hotel was centrally located, surrounded by numerous bars and restaurants.

Interestingly, there was a Jamaican restaurant next door, but there were no Jamaicans in sight! We ordered their ‘jerk wings’ and a couple of drinks, while the ‘White Russian’ tried moving to the dancehall song from Spice playing in the background.

Listening to ‘white people’ singing dancehall is a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. I always wonder “Do they even know what they’re saying?”, because if they did, they probably wouldn’t be singing. The wings were rubbish, they tasted like someone fried some unseasoned chicken, then gave it a light sprinkle of seasoning before putting some hot sauce on them.

With the failed floating market experience behind us, we walked around the Imperial Palace before heading for Khao San Road, where we had lunch and planned our evening. We’d seen an amazing bar on Instagram called ‘Eagle Nest’; it offered a stunning view over the river towards Wat Arun temple.

We hopped in a taxi, gave him the name, and off we went. He dropped us off and pointed in the direction of where we needed to go, but while walking towards what we thought was the bar, we realized that he had taken us to an area with all the gay bars. He had dropped us off at a gay bar called ‘The Eagle’.

The five days in Thailand kept throwing up disappointments, one after the other. The only silver lining was that we shared the disappointments and were able to laugh about them, most of the time.

It was now time to part ways after 5 oddly weird days in Thailand. I was continuing my trip, with Luang Prabang, Laos, being the third leg of my South Asian tour, while they had 5 days left in Thailand. I was excited to go to Laos but felt like I had abandoned my friends, and they weren’t letting me forget that I was leaving them behind, or the hotel mix-up either.