I’ve always been fascinated with ancient Egypt since watching Cleopatra (The Original 1963 film) and documentaries about King Tut and other pharaohs. So, when the chance arrived to tag along on a trip to Egypt with my Egyptian mate, I couldn’t say no, especially since it coincided with my birthday.  

Except, we flew to Sharm El-Sheikh in the Sinai Peninsula which was far from what I expected Egypt to be!

We arrived in Sharm on Sat 6th May at 01:00 am, after spending a couple of hours in Istanbul. Everyone apart from citizens of 10 Arabic countries requires a visa to enter Egypt, you can apply for one online or get it upon arrival in Egypt. However, if you’re landing and staying in Sharm El Sheikh, without going anywhere else in Egypt, then the visa isn’t a requirement. Sadly, for me I was also spending a couple of days in Cairo, thus requiring a visa. I applied for the visa online a few days before travelling, uploaded all the documents, paid the $60 and received a confirmation message as well as the confirmation that payment was deducted from my account.

But on the day, we flew to Egypt, I received an email saying my visa was declined as they could not view the copy of my passport. Annoyed at this little snafu, I proceeded to apply for a visa upon arrival and explained to the guy at the counter that I tried applying online and paid the $60 but had an issue with the site.

He questioned me about the site I applied through, then apologised profusely for the inconvenience that I had endured due to being charged $60 for a $25 entry visa… After making small talk, he then proceeded to charge me €30 for said $25 entry visa, all with a slick smile on his face.

I couldn’t help but smile at the irony… This was a precursor to things to come on the rest of my trip!

We pulled up to Safir Waterfalls Resort, a purported 5* hotel where we were staying for the first portion of the trip. On the site, it looked like a great hotel plus the reviews were good as well, so I was looking forward to it. Once we checked in and got to the room around 3 am, I was like what the actual fuck is this?

It may have been a 5* hotel back in the ’90s, but it’s more of a 2-3 star these days. I was tired so couldn’t be bothered to complain, so went to bed after my first princessy huff.

After waking up and having breakfast, we decided to spend the day in the hotel, checking out the property, all the pools, the beach and the bars.

We settled by the pool bar. 11 am Gin & Tonics took me back to the good ole days of ‘Day Drinking’ during the pandemic.

Apparently, I looked Arabic (must be the beard), specifically southern Egyptian or Sudanese and the barman at the pool kept speaking to me in Arabic. It made me understand all the trouble I had when I used to travel to Tel Aviv back in the day.

After smashing the pool bar, we arranged a full-day tour of Dahab for Sunday, then decided to explore the Old Town and have dinner there. To be honest, there’s nothing much to write home about there, to be honest, apart from a good fish restaurant (Fares) and what looked like a fake Mosque, but it turned out to be a real Mosque.

Sharm is a dust-bowl construction site, I’ve never seen that many incomplete building sites anywhere and that’s taking into account that I live in Andalucía! Awash with Russians and Russian money, Sharm lacks charm, it gives you a glitzy exterior but look under the bonnet and I swear it’s held together by gum and a prayer.

A 7:30 am start was tough after a day of drinking, but off we went. We got picked up in a white mini-van, then picked up a few more people from neighbouring hotels, an older Russian guy, who barely spoke English and a group of eastern Europeans, I think they were either Slovaks or Slovenians and they all failed to take a shower before joining the tour! I’ll never understand why people who into public or confined spaces without paying attention to their hygiene.

Our minivan then joined what looked like a convoy of UN vehicles racing through the desert highways of Dahab. It felt oddly weird but exciting at the same time.

The tour included a Camel ride on the beach, Quad biking, Snorkeling and a Jeep Safari to the colour Canyon. The first bit of the tour was the snorkelling which was freaking fantastic. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to snap any pics. I wasn’t going to chance dropping my stupidly expensive phone on a reef, but it was amazing!  I’ve snorkelled before and have nothing that I could compare this experience to.

Once the snorkelling finished, we rushed back to the tent to get ready for Quad biking. After getting dressed, I recounted my last experience of Quadding to Taha, explaining that when I did it, the bike flipped, landed on top of me and I was left bruised and bloodied. Then followed up with, “Please take your damn time because I don’t want to be responsible for taking your body back to your sisters”.

It’s as if I’m a savant because exactly what I explained he shouldn’t do, is what he proceeded with doing. He sped past me as the buggies made their way through a ravine, hit a sandbank and flipped then flew off the quad, and hit the ground before the quad landed on him. A poor imitation, yet a carbon copy of what happened to me years ago. Both I and the guy behind raced over to him to check for signs of life. By the time we got there, he was pushing the quad off him. Then the tour leader arrived and the discussion ensued as to whether the brakes worked (which is what the tour leader said) or whether they were faulty and didn’t work (what Taha was claiming).

Bloodied and bruised, he got back onto his quad and our group made our way back to the meeting point.

It appeared that these guys were working on a tight schedule because we had 10 minutes between getting off the quads and mounting the camels.

Turns out that I’m a natural camel jockey (another thing checked off my bucket list), either that or my camel was easygoing.

Whereas the woman in front of me had a wayward ride, mine was smooth sailing as we walked along the Dahab beach, with a view of Saudi Arabia over the horizon.

After the camel ride, we had a lunch that comprised of burnt chicken and rice, with a side of Tahini and bread. Then got taken to do the obligatory tourist trap of “visiting the old market for shopping”. This market was actually one building that had prints and paintings of Egyptian antiquities and hieroglyphics as well as Egyptian handmade jewellery. There were some interesting pieces and I left with a silver scarab pendant to add to my growing collection.

It felt like we were on this tour for an eternity but off we went to the final leg, the jeep safari to Colour Canyon. True to my luck, the smelliest of smelly guys sat right next to me in the back of the jeep after being in the Arabian sun for 6 hours. I honestly came close to saying something but bit my tongue and held my nose until we got out of the jeep.

Colour Canyon was ok, I could have lived the rest of my life without going there but we were there, so I went with the flow.  It was okay at best, if tagged on to a tour it’s not bad, but I wouldn’t do it as a standalone day tour. It just wasn’t that interesting to me (even though the tour guide took a few good snaps of me, for a fee of course), maybe it’s because of what preceded it, or because I was tired or because I was pissed off after sitting next to that stink bastard for 15 minutes in the back of the jeep.

Thankfully, I was able to switch seats on the return leg of the jeep safari and wasn’t sat directly next to the smelly bugger. Once we were back to the minivan, the Eastern Europeans were shipped off to a different bus, before we made our way back to our respective hotels.

It was a long ass day, but overall, a very good day which was made even sweeter by the price paid, €50 per person! I did a similar 4-part tour in Costa Rica in Sept 2022 and paid a whopping €400, so I was super happy with what I got for €50!

The next day we had an even earlier start at 4:30 am to catch our flight to Cairo.

The taxi struggled to find our Apart-hotel in New Cairo. I sat back and watched both the driver and Taha trying to figure out the location, which was akin to finding a needle in a haystack. Cairo is a sprawling city filled with dust-brown buildings, mega-highways, and terrifying drivers! Overpasses were placed in areas where it looked like housing blocks had been knocked down, with no access bridges for pedestrians. 

Taxi Drivers from Hell!

Missed your turn-off? No problem, just stop and reverse on the fricken highway, then make your turn. Lane dividing lines? Who needs them…? Turn a 4-lane highway into a 9-lane, then drive like a lunatic and use the hard shoulder as the speeding lane.

Honestly, I’ve been in some dicey taxis in my time, in Israel, Thailand, Costa Rica, and Brazil. But this was something else; I’d never been this triggered in a taxi! 

In the blink of an eye, it was my 42nd birthday and I was getting ready to go jump out of a perfectly functional plane…. Caribbean people refer to this as “doing white people shit.” I mean, why, right? At least that’s what a lot of my friends said. But I’m firmly in the “why not” class of people. You’ll never reach your full potential if you don’t push your boundaries.

We arrived at 11:00 am as advised, only to be told that they made a mistake and we were booked for 1:00 pm. None of us had eaten; we didn’t want to puke on the way down. To kill time, we decided to venture into the Pyramid complex, and there were tourists everywhere being scammed by traders selling horse and camel rides for exorbitant fees.

It was a hot, dry, dusty mess, and I was loving it, except for the heat. I’m not made for that shit.

I couldn’t believe that we were able to get that close to the last remaining ancient wonder. I was half tempted to take a pebble from Khufu (the biggest pyramid), but then I remembered all the crap that happened in “The Mummy,” and I didn’t want to chance my luck by testing Murphy’s Law.

Built almost 5000 years ago, and they are still standing. It’s like they were the original Nokia 6300.

After walking around in the sweltering heat, we made our way back to the jump site around 12:45 pm, only to sit there for an additional 2 hours before anything happened. Thankfully, they provided lots of cold water and Orange Tang to keep us hydrated. The Tang was a refreshing blast from my childhood past, which wasn’t a good thing. I’m an overthinker, and just sitting around and waiting made me start imagining scenarios and asking myself questions.

“Why is it taking so long?”

“Why the hell am I doing this again?”

“Well, if I die, my tombstone will have a perfectly round number, and people will talk about that.”

“Why am I doing this again?”

Around 2:30 pm, the ground crew started to move with a pep in their step, and then they told us to look up! We could see several parachutes gliding down to earth, and that made it real. Even though I was sitting, my watch recorded a resting heart rate of 86! My normal resting heart rate is around 51! 

They landed after a few minutes and we were paired with our tandem jumper. They looked like a rag-tag bunch of misfits who liked having a good time. My guy was Egyptian, and he kept trying to freak me out, telling me stuff like “It’s only my second-ever tandem jump” or telling the ground crew, “I don’t think he will do it; I think he will faint.” The entire time, he was at it, and while it was funny, it was working. My stress and anxiety levels were off the chart; the poor watch probably struggled to stay alive.

We were given our harnesses boarded the bus with our tandem jump partners and headed to Sphynx International Airport, a brand new, yet-to-be-opened airport. As with everywhere in Egypt, security is stupidly ridiculous and, in many instances, pointless. We get questioned by security upon entry into the airport, before going through a magnetometer. 10 steps later (in the same room), we had to do the same thing again, pat down by a second set of security, and through another magnetometer, before sitting in the waiting area.

Once we got here, my guy started trying to freak me out again. This time, telling the pilot that he didn’t think that I was going to jump, that they may have to send me back on the bus, and that if I do get in the plane, I’ll probably prevent others from jumping because I would be too scared to go myself. The bastard was really giving it his best shot.

Even though I had a nervous giggle, I was strangely calm, and my heartbeat dropped back to its usual levels. We boarded the plane, and off we went. 13,000 feet into the Egyptian sky, over the dust clouds. As we ascended, my joker tandem guy asked me if I had any last words, to which I responded, “Well, if I die, I’m dying on my birthday.” We were strapped so tightly together that our breathing was synchronized. He started laughing and got the other instructors and jumpers to sing me “Happy Birthday,” which was quite cool.

The time was now, and the instructions were imprinted into my brain. I was the second out of the plane; the first guy fumbled a bit; he wasn’t following the instructions correctly. He tried to walk to the door, even though he was told to slide. His instructor eventually just jumped with him. I honestly don’t know how he made the weight limit; he was a lot bigger than me, and I’m 94kgs. I didn’t have time to think about it, though; my instructor started speaking in my ear, “Slide, slide, slide, now sit, put your legs under the plane, put your head on my shoulder, arch your back like a banana, let’s…” We were out the door and hurtling towards Earth before he said go.

The first 5 seconds were terrifying; I could barely get my eyes open or keep my mouth shut, but then I had it under control and had a very weird sense of calm. We “free-fall” for about 20 seconds before he pulled the chute. When that happened, it felt like someone was grabbing us and pulling us back into space.

He handed me the reins and had me steer the parachute for a bit. But true to form and as he had done the entire time, he tried to get me to scream by pulling on the chute hard enough to make it go into a spiral spin before straightening back up and gliding back to earth.

It was amazing, like nothing I have ever experienced. We were gliding around, with the Nile River dominating the landscape, while directly above the Great Pyramids of Giza.

Upon landing, he questioned me about the experience, and I was speechless. It took a few seconds to find some words. The adrenaline rush was immense, and these guys get to do that 3 times a day, 6/7 days a week.

In no time, Shimaa touched down, and shortly thereafter, Taha did the same. We were all running high on adrenaline, snapped a pic, and then left to get something to eat.

There were two things that I wanted to do in Cairo (Cairo Museum and Skydive), and sadly, I only managed to do one. The rescheduled jump and the long wait in between meant that I didn’t have sufficient time to visit the museum. But the jump was well worth it, and if I could, I would do it again.

The next day, we headed back to Sharm El Sheikh for the last 2.5 days of our vacation. Initially, we were going to visit Petra in Jordan, but I screwed up the booking, so we had to cancel it and lounge around the hotel on the penultimate day. This time, we were staying in a proper 5-star hotel, The Savoy Sharm.

That evening, I had an idea to book a Red Sea cruise I saw for $25, which was an all-day activity and included snorkelling.

They picked us up and whisked us off to Naama Bay, where we joined a few hundred other tourists, mostly Europeans and Arabs (fewer Russians than before). The boat was better than I expected, with a full crew and proper equipment. After we set sail, they announced that we could purchase a 15-minute scuba-diving experience for $20.

There was also an onboard photographer who was snap-happy. It seemed like a pretty good deal, but I was expecting a sketchy boat, similar to what I had in Panama a few months ago.

I can’t swim, but $20 is $20, and when will I ever get to try diving for only $20?

So, of course, I did it, and I’m happy as a pig in mud! It was another mind-blowing experience. As we submerged into the crystal-clear waters, a whole new world appeared. You’re damn right I felt like Sebastian the crab, but Ariel was nowhere to be found. The reef teemed with life, fish of all colours and sizes. There were thousands of tiny little gold ones, huge angel fish, clown fish, the lot. Some were just chilling, sitting below shelves, while others were swimming around.

Under the sea…under the sea, down where it’s wetter, surely it’s better, take it from me!

The camera guy, while useful in recording the dive, was a distraction as he kept asking me to do stupid poses, which ate into my dive time. The experience was so good that I paid an additional $20 to do it again when we got to the second dive spot.

It was a pretty amazing day and capped off a fantastic trip. The only sour note was that what initially was supposed to be a $25 trip turned out to be far more costly when I added the $40 dives and $40 for my pictures from above and below the water. While annoying, the additional costs were worth it and made for a good end to a pretty awesome trip.

I think I did more in those 8 days in Egypt than I’ve done on any other holiday: quad biking, camel riding, snorkelling, skydiving, scuba diving, as well as a Jeep Safari.

Egypt was intense, and I’d do it again, especially because there’s still so much left to do! I just needed to learn a few words in Arabic, since they all seemed to think that I was Egyptian.