Bocas del Toro is a Panamanian province in the Caribbean Sea. It’s a collection of small islands and a section on the mainland that borders Costa Rica.

Now this was not on my initial itinerary but my friends suggested it, and after a hard few days in the Costa Rican rainforest, I decided to give it a go. We went for lunch at the ‘Blue Banana ‘hotel that sat right on the beach and looked like it had a decent vibe when packed. Sadly, it wasn’t, the waiter was either ‘slow’ or ‘high’ either way, he annoyed the crap out of me.

We did however manage to have a chat with the owner Colin, a flamboyant little Canadian with unnaturally white teeth, who just happened to be a friend with my friends. After our convo, we went over to the ‘Blue Banana’ gourmet store, to book my Caribe shuttle tickets to Bocas and back.

If you haven’t sensed the theme yet, I’ll just put it out there, I think he was a tad thirsty when he named his businesses…

Off I go!

The day started off without a hitch, the shuttle was there on time to pick me up. Now, if you’ve never been to the third world and specifically Latin America, you won’t understand how pleasing it is, when things actually run on time!

We headed to the Costa Rica/Panama border and got there relatively quickly. At the border, I had to pay my exit tax, which is not a problem. I’ve travelled extensively, and I know this is an actual thing. But I shit you know when I say, I think this was someone making some cash on the side.

We get to the water taxi port and I immediately think, ‘What the actual fuck, where have they sent me.

The place was filthy, with a lot of seedy-looking people surrounding us tourists. They packed us into these rickety little boats and zoomed out to sea, passing the floating human faeces, and shack houses to Isla Colon, the provincial capital.

I started thinking that there was no way I would be eating fish on this trip after what I had seen.

We get to Isla Colon and I easily found my hotel, Palma Royale, which was on the main street of this one-horse town. The room was huge, more like a serviced apartment than a hotel. Having stayed in a 0-star jungle lodge the week before, this felt like paradise!

My thoughts on the place changed subtly, once I was able to put my bag down and pick a drink up. It was a quiet little village town, people were very Tranquillo and life seemed to slow down.

It seemed like I arrived in low season; all the bars were a bit dead with only older European tourists around. The locals for some odd reason kept thinking that I was Panamanian. Since I only had 48 hours, I thought it best to do a full-day tour and set about booking one. It was $35! I couldn’t believe it, considering I nearly sold my kidney to pay for the Costa Rican tours, I was really happy with that.

This trip to Isla Zapatillas was interesting… There was a motley crew of tourists, myself, a Panamanian mother with her daughters and mother, a couple of Germans and a young British lesbian couple (a Caucasian and one of Indian descent). The tour guide didn’t speak a word of English and I could see that the couple was struggling to understand his instructions.

Me being me, decided to try and help them by translating his instructions so they were in the know. After I translated the first instructions, they started acting ‘differently’. The Indian one became more assertive and kept giving half smiles as if she thought that I was hitting on them. I noticed her behaviour and thought to myself ‘bitch please, you’d be so lucky and decided to pull back my assistance.

We finish the first bit of the tour and sped across the Caribbean Sea to an over-water restaurant, where they advise us to book our lunch and drinks. They also suggested that we buy and take drinks with us to Zapatillas, as it’s isolated with no shops. Everyone, except for the lesbians makes their way to the bar to order lunch and buy drinks. On my way back, I see them sitting there, they didn’t order lunch or drinks and I thought that they didn’t understand what the guide had said.

I bit my tongue and explained what they needed to do. The Indian again with her wry smile said “Thanks, we’re not hungry”. In my head, I thought “oh this will be fun”, but I just smiled back at her…

We headed to the island where we were going to be based for 3 hours and hop off the boat. The sun beating down on us, it’s hot, steamy and humid thanks to the tropical heat. An hour in, the Caucasian comes over and asks if I knew where they could get something to drink. I sarcastically said ‘we’re on a desert island hun’ and made my way to a spot on the beach, with my Smirnoff Ice in hand.

A short while after, they tried to buy a coconut from the guy selling them but didn’t have cash, which made me quietly giggle. Then I decided to buy one, not because I wanted it, but because I could!

Once our time at the island ended, we zoomed back to the over-water restaurant for lunch. There are hordes of other tourists there, from different tours. We all sat and they started serving lunch and guess what…? No food for the friendly couple! The Indian tried to order something and obviously, it’s not possible because they were accounted for when they started cooking. Watching it all play out from the comfort seat with ‘lobster in my mouth, I was openly giggling now. It had just dawned on her that I wasn’t hitting on them but trying to help them out.

She comes over to me, smiling and says ‘Hi, do you know if we can order something? We didn’t order before and I think he’s telling me that I can’t order now‘.

Now, I had to hold myself together from laughing in her face. I simply put my wry smile on and said ‘No my dear, you had to do that before, they’ve only accounted for those of us who did order. You’ll have to wait until we get back to the mainland in a few hours‘, all while looking her dead in the eye and chomping down on my food.

She backed away and walked over to her partner. They were clearly starving and parched from the heat, but couldn’t find a thing to eat. I almost felt sorry for them, almost!

We wrap up the tour and start heading back to the mainland. It was a good day which took in sights of dolphins and other sea life, that moved too fast for photos. The isolated island was something out of movies, while the rickety speedboat was something else and I don’t mean that in a good way.

All in all, Bocas del Toro was a good little spot and should be tacked on to your trip if you’re visiting Costa Rica’s Caribbean coast. It’s a short hop away from the border and not expensive to get to. The place is beautiful, and the people are friendly, but the food isn’t exactly the best (Worst hotel breakfast and cheeseburger of my life… I’m looking at you, Buena Vista restaurant).